Imagine that.  A friendly divorce.  Is there such a thing?  Do you know of anyone who has accomplished a friendly divorce, aside from maybe Demi Moore and Bruce Willis?  Maybe you, yourself, have been able to create a friendly, amicable divorce.  This new divorce may be a rising trend and it is important that professionals such as myself and the clients I work with are knowledgeable on what it takes to create such a new kind of divorce. 

Traditional divorces may be something of the past and I am excited that USAToday has made this topic into a story.  According to a USAToday article entitled For more couples, divorce can be on more friendly terms, written by Karina Bland, some of today’s couples who have decided to call it quits, have also decided to do things differently than those they have witnessed in the past.    The article states that more and more couples are seeking to create a friendly divorce through accessing services such as divorce mediation, collaboration, or do-it-yourself kits.   These proactive and responsible couples also tend to be those with children. 

In my practice when working with divorcing couples, I often strongly recommend going the path of divorce mediation or collaboration.  Not only does mediation help these couples to save time and money, but it also increases the chances that they may actually be friendly with one another.   The traditional style of divorcing usually involves lawyers on either end fighting for the best deal for their client.    This type of environment not only can promote disagreements around a number of signicant matters, but it can also create a situation in which neither partner walks away feeling satisfied.

The author of the article educates on the differences between a traditional and a friendly divorce in stating, “Mediation is one kind of a friendly divorce. Collaboration is another, in which both parties retain their own attorneys but also use experts and work together for a solution for everyone. Couples don’t set foot in court in either instance. Proponents say it reduces the emotional costs on everyone; both children and adults start their new lives on relatively stable ground.”

In today’s economy, some couples simply cannot afford to divorce.   A traditional divorce can cost anywhere from $15,000-$25,000 and can stretch out for months or even years.   

So what exactly does a friendly divorce look like?  Well, for starters, “this new kind of divorced mom and dad might attend parent-teacher conferences together, work jointly to get one kid to Little League and the other to piano lessons — even if it’s not technically their visitation day — and share calendars electronically so Dad can arrange to take the kids when mom’s out of town on business”.

Whenever children are involved in a divorce, you must keep coming back to, “What is in the best interest on our child(ren).”  A divorce is not so much about you as it is about your children.  A friendly divorce option means getting to a more humane, mature, and responsible way of handling such a life decision.   You may be choosing to no longer be spouses, but you will always be co-parents.  I say, let’s work to create more friendly divorces if we cannot always save the marriage.

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